When it came to the pregnancy and birth, it was all as I remembered. That first night home from the hospital though, it hit me - the newborn phase. What I didn't know I'd forgotten (I sound like Professor from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse....), was the newborn phase - THIS is what people meant when they say you'll forget. Banished to some dark place in my mind, the newborn phase, where newborns are basically still a fetus for the next 3 months, the fourth trimester. It's the waking up every 2-3 hours at night, crying, endless diapers, spit up, blow outs, no smiling, no babbling, just taking everything you have. It's such a short time and so very worth it, but my goodness that part sucks. Amplified further by having a toddler who, no matter how YOU slept last night, is going to wake up between 6 and 6:30 am (or earlier).
This was my first adjustment to life with two - I can't just go to sleep until Luke wakes once I've finally gotten him down at 5 am after 2 hours of pacing the house. My sweet girl will be up in less than an hour and her "tummy will be hungry."
The second adjustment - I can't just be Zoey's mommy, I'm shared now. Before Luke came along, Zoey ran the show. When she was home with us, we played, we shopped, we went to the park, etc. Having Luke right after the most epic Christmas ever, made the adjustment a little harder for her and me too.
We can no longer drop everything and jump in the car to go shopping or to the park. I'm not always available to climb in her teepee and play now that a small barnacle is attached to me 24/7.
While celebrating this amazing addition and completion of our family, I also have had to mourn the loss of our family of three and the routine we had down to a science. This is our new normal for now - divide and conquer, man coverage.
*Photographic evidence of why we don't eat out
Things have already started to even out, and as Luke gets bigger, the fun really begins. Until then, I'm walking a fine line of nurturing and bonding with my baby boy and continuing to try to foster the beautiful relationship I have with my daughter.
The third Adjustment, a doozy - It hit several weeks in to our new normal. We chose to keep Zoey in school during my maternity leave so that her world wouldn't be completely rocked. This afforded me some time to bond with Luke during the week too. It was a very good decision for all. That being said, the fact that we house a walking Petri dish is amplified by the fact that she hangs out with 12 other Petri dishes, 5 days a week AND sucks her fingers. Without a doubt, she caught strep within weeks of bringing Luke home and it manifested as a rash on her face (due to the finger sucking) and a cough. Scary when she is in "baby brother's" face 100% of the time she's at home and awake.
It is so hard when the tiny human you love SO much is sick and could possibly infect the other tiny little human you love SO much. Luckily, we did survive this round. Luke is unscathed and Chris and I were easily cured - thank goodness for teledoc.
There are so many other adjustments we'll have to make, as Luke continues to grow and develop and our new family routine takes shape. Teaching Zoey the fine line between loving and smothering baby. Keeping Luke, with no sleep schedule, from waking the (finally) sleeping toddler (did not see that one coming - I always thought it was the toddler who would wake the baby). I'm growing and developing as a mom too.
Everyone's experience is different and everyone's mom guilt manifests differently - my heart did not magically and exponentially expand as soon as my second child exited the womb (as so many bloggers and people on facebook claim happened to them). I am beyond joyful that we have a son and he's healthy and safe. He was wanted, prayed for, and loved from the moment I knew I was carrying him, but that love took time to grow deep roots in my heart. I had to get to know him. I had to teach my heart and my mind how to love two tiny humans fiercely at the same time and I'm still learning. It is HARD. Zoey had 2.5 years of my undivided attention and we rocked her world with baby brother. Luke will never have his parents all to himself and that's hard too.
We knew it would be hard to adjust logistically, but these emotional adjustments caught me off guard. Why did no one prepare me for this? Why do people "lie" and say it "feels like they've always been a family of four", "your heart exponentially expands immediately", they can't remember a time before their second or third"?
7 weeks in to this new and crazy life, I know it's because luckily, our mind is beautiful and it forgets these rough first weeks and lets us simply remember the magic and love of bringing a baby into this world. I know I'll forget the days when Luke kept us up all night and Zoey woke up at 5:45 am - living out our Saturday counting down to bedtime and just thankful we all survived the day.
This chaos that is parenting with a toddler and a newborn - I'll only remember the fierce love for my beautiful children, the look on Zoey's face as she met her very own baby brother, the care and adoration she has for him, the first time he smiled at her, the hugs, the laughter, the playing. So I'm writing this now, while I'm in the thick of it, for me and those of you in the throes of the newborn phase (or those of you watching us and thinking you'll never have a kid or another kid). The days are long, but the months and years are so short. I love the chaos of two and I'm glad my heart knows loving two babies.
I'm also so stinking lucky to do this life with Chris. He is THE MOST AMAZING husband and father of all time, but that's an entire blog post in and of itself.
